This brief blog piece addresses one of the very important circumstances that the world faces today: the need for real friendships and authentic connections.
This is easier for some people more than for others. Since children some make friends really fast, others are left out. Without a clear social education from childhood where tutors can make sure their students have enough social skills to navigate a complex world, it’s hard to really know what kind of world the next generation will build. And with solid foundations -or even just a little help ;) it’s a lot easier to get a child learn how to mix and mingle with the others and make the most of their interactions.
Easier said than done?
In a diverse world as we are living and with adults and parents who not always have those skills themselves, not all children have the same equal access to social learning as others do. Besides, there is an added layer of complexity: different cultures, backgrounds, beliefs and neurotype create a very interesting social thread.
Yes, I said interesting!
Let’s add another layer of diversity and that is different capacity to set healthy boundaries due to psychology but also due to that culturally we perceive what is right or wrong in a different way. For example, some cultures have people who are very tactile and in others they are very distant to each other, and both can be equally loving and embracing of the others.
Without a clear understanding of our own boundaries or the ability to set them in a way that is clear and still respects the boundaries of others, we may find it difficult to establish healthy and respectful relationships in our diverse community.
This what in principle seems like a problem and a continuous source of misunderstandings between people, can actually be turn round. It is an opportunity. It can give us the key to break with patterns of miscommunication between people, and therefore is an opportunity to develop peace inside and outside.
I can see how many people continuously project their personal beliefs into their communication patterns. This is tricky, because not everybody reads any subtext to what people actually say (I don’t), and miscommunication happens, very much to the regret of everyone, as nobody has nothing to win from this, and anyway, what is the belief measure anyone is going to have when relating to others? Assumptions on what others think and feel have led to a lot of unnecessary suffering. Also good to understand that nobody nobody nobody is perfect, and that is how life is. It is the way nature works. Even in a field of clover, sometimes you find a 4 leafs clover, and that is usually considered an "imperfection". I don't see that as perfertion or imperfection. I see it as nature. Simple as that: the way nature works. So I don't think on binary terms such as "perfect" or "imperfect", but in terms of "nature" and wholeness.
Nobody is perfect and we learn to learn our imperfection and the imperfection of the others as we learn to get on. I will give you a beautiful song that is the way I feel when I am relaxed: "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" from Carole King, she is so inspired.
Understanding and having present that we can have control about what we feel when others do anything is part of having boundaries, and being able to notice the difference between yourself and the outer world. One thing you can differentiate is what is your body and what is not. In and Out, are two essential aspects of reality that we can have present with a little practice. With those very simple notices, the differentiation between what are your feelings and what could perhaps be the feelings of others (but you can ask to disambiguate) you can start clearing out those communication patterns, when you practice with others.
It is possible to learn to swimmingly navigate it, and it requires a group to do it. And the best news: It is absolutely possible to achieve it!
I would like to add a song to this blog piece, but I think is not legal :) so I am going to give you a referral, one of my most optimistic songs, is "You Got A Friend" again by Carole King, and I love who she sings it. Check it out!